It's a Negative

October 2007

I took my first pregnancy test, ever! I didn't really think I was pregnant, but I figured I would take one anyway. It was negative. I was a bit disappointed, but not really surprised. This was, after all, our first month of "really" trying. (Little did I know what "trying" really meant!) Seeing the negative test reminded me that this whole situation was in the Lord's hands and not my own. I just knew that He would give us a baby in His perfect timing. I knew that I had nothing to worry about because I had an almighty God planning out my every step. He had created the whole world from nothing! He could certainly provide for me with no trouble at all. I truly believed that (and still do), but at the time I was unaware of how much I would be forced to cling to that belief. I didn't realize how much I would be tested.

This was just 2 months into our trying to conceive experience....there was so much to still be learned!

Noah's Story

October 2007

Just 3 short months into our new house and trying to start a family, I was beginning to feel the pressure of baby making. I had just read about Noah (in Genesis) and something that stuck out to me that day was Noah's reaction when he first began his new life in a brand new world (after the flood). The first thing Noah did was worship the Lord. I could so relate to that story because I too had recently been faced with a major life change (moving into our first house). I didn't know what to do, so I knew I had no other choice but to turn to Jesus for comfort and peace. I knew that He was the only one that could calm my fears. This was true in Noah's life too. He was certainly unsure of what he was supposed to do and had no other choice but to fall on his knees and seek the Lord. His family had just been saved from destruction...he had so much to be thankful for! I too had so much to be thankful for. I was married to the man of my dreams, living in our first home, preparing to start a family, loving my job as a teacher...life didn't get much better!

This time of transition taught me a valuable lesson...one that I continue to be reminded of now....Jesus is the only steady and constant thing in my life. When we first started this journey of trying to conceive, I was excited, but scared too. I knew that becoming a mother would be a major life change that I could not handle on my own. I prayed then, and continue to pray now, that the Lord would guide my every step and lead me down His path.

The Storm

September 2007

We had just begun "trying" to have a baby. I didn't really understand what that meant, at the time. We just told everyone that we weren't going to not try anymore. We didn't get what it meant to "try". I mean, how hard could it be?

I remember the feelings I was having in the beginning of this journey. I was so excited to become a mother. I had been waiting for this time my whole life! I was just 24 years old and all my friends couldn't believe I was wanting to start a family. "You are so young!" was all I ever heard. But I didn't care...I was ready!

Life seemed so perfect at that point. We had just bought our first house, celebrated 3 years of marriage...things were going so well. But even in the midst of pure contentment, I was completely aware of how quickly things could change. In my journal I wrote this: "Life seems to be going so well right now. That scares me somewhat because I fear that a storm is approaching. I once heard that in your life you are either in the midst of a storm, just coming out of a storm, or just about to enter a storm. What storm is on its way into my life? I just pray that the Lord would be preparing me for whatever He has planned for my life. Let me not be anxious, as He has a perfect plan! Let my heart be confident in the Lord!"

Looking back on that journal entry, I am brought to tears. Little did I know what lay ahead for us. But I thank the Lord that He knew and that He was the one who reminded me to pray such a prayer. His care for me is what has sustained me through this storm.